“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard
I work to prevent the start of Sexual offending or recurring offending.
Women are very welcome. I offer a specialised 'treatment' program for (mostly men) and separatley with their traumatised partners. Importantly, this is about your own safety as well as the safety of others. You don't have to just accept your attraction, we have to wake you up to all you have to lose, and to help you change your damaging behaviours.
The Consequences of sexual offending are significant and overwhelming. All of the people that I have worked with, who have either been, accused, charged or convicted of Sexual offending, have the same reaction, 'if I had only known what would happen if I was found out, I would never have done it'. Let me say here, that Sexual offending isn't just about underage children, online or in person, see here *
The bad news
A silly behaviour that most people would not think of as a sexual offence, is mooning out the bus window, filled with all the well oiled men on a Stag night. This carries a conviction that will always be necessary to report e.g. to a new employer, 10 years on the sexual offenders register, your employer being informed and possibly losing your job, the public becoming aware and vigilantes, as it can be reported in your local newspaper and being rejected by your partner/family/local community. If you are a partner of e.g. a man that has been charged with a sexual offence/s involving images of underage children (and if you have children together), the consequences are more hard hitting as;
- He will be forced to leave your house and most likely to stay with his parents
- His employer will be notified and his employment may be terminated (more likely than not).
- Social Work Child Protection will be prominent in your lives, if you have children. They have an important job to do, however they receive lots of resentment, as they are seen as the cause of the fundamental changes in your lives, e.g. Your partner works day shifts and you look after the children, you work night shift and your husband looks after the children. He can no longer have contact with the children alone and if you don't have any support from family/friends, if you have a high salary, you may employ a professional babysitter, however, as your partner has lost his job, your salary is the only one and much needed to keep you financially afloat.
- For your partner and children to be able to see each other, you must be present at all times - but firstly you must prove to the Social workers that you did not know your husband was offending, that you can stand up to your husband e.g. if he insists on seeing the children alone - or any other suspect behaviour, that you can demonstrate that keeping your childrens safe, is top priority always and you won't succumb to his 'manipulation'.
The good news
I could go on, however I think you are probably getting the picture - if you are a Partner you are now responsible for everything and having to juggle your belief/disbelief about the situation, your feelings or love/hate for your partner, to end the relationship or not, tell your family/friends or not and so it continues. One of the hardest aspects to cope with as a partner of a sexually offending man, is the insinuation by Social workers/ Police that you knew about his illegal activities and did nothing to stop them. That is a hard one and some help and support is greatly needed to guide you through this hellish time.
Men I can work with you to process any childhood trauma and trauma as a consequences of your offending. We can assess and understand what has contributed to your offending, (it's ok if you don't want to tell me details of your behaviour, however most people find relief in getting details off their chest). We can look a what positive skills you have and boost your resilience, that helps you to cope in this situation. We create a safety plan for yourself and ensure you action it. I can write a letter of support for the court outlining your attendance and progression in Therapy.
Ladies, partners of men either accused or charged and convicted of a sexual offence. We can explore the trauma of the situatation for you, how you are coping, the future of your relationship, loss, how you are handling the children with Dad being away, if impact from the community is affecting you, who can you now rely on to be able to freely talk to and who can give you support? Can you ever trust your partner again, can you trust any man again? As is evident, really big questions about your past, current and future life are thrown up and it's hard, trying to cope with everything. Let me help you to keep yourself and others safe.
