The affects of Sexual difficulties in a Relationship
Sexual problems can negatively impact on a relationship in a big way and also the individual partners.
We view the problem as a 'sexual relationship' problem, as first there is a problem and then there is the reaction to it. Clients may have mental health problems and can feel 'less than' and ashamed and/or guilty at not being able to make love. You may not be able to communicate calmly about it, as it causes too much stress, so you avoid the subject and avoid any activities when you believe there could be an expectation of sex. The whole situation becomes increasingly fraught and you find there is now a verbal and physical disconnect between you and there is no clear pathway to follow. Nights are spent in bed with your back to each other hogging the last inch of your side of the bed - to avoid any accidental touching. Sometimes I see clients, where the woman has decided they are not ever having sex again. The man is at a loss, clearly upset by this and I always ask, - what did/do you expect to your partner to do in reaction to that decision, as an end to his sexual expression and outlet have been decided for him?.
Sexual problems/dysfunctions
- Asexuality which may or may not be a problem as each individual is different, can be explored
- Low sexual desire, or mismatched desire
- Poor emotional & physical connection to each other
- Inability to orgasm
- Pain on penetration can cause reduced or cessation of sexual activities
- Penetration is possible, but other pain occurs
- Erectile dysfunction
- Premature ejaculation
- Delayed ejaculation
- limited sexual 'technique'
Psychosexual Therapy involves a very in depth assessment process with each partner. I ask each of you to set goals for what you want to achieve as the outcome for Therapy. I study the information gathered at assessment and make a personalised practical plan for you to start addressing the difficulties. Interestingly, both partners can have a sexual dysfunction, and I take this knowledge into the Therapy plan. I explain and ask you both to do prescribed joint exercises at home. These excercises are very simple and at first there is a ban on sex. This is to reset your buttons and to help you focus on sensuality. You will never be asked to do any outlandish work. You don't talk about the exercises until you come for your next appointment with me. I get your indivdual in depth feedback of what happened during your tasks. What was good/not so good, what do you need more of, or less of? When you have carried out the weekly tasks and both of you feel relaxed about those tasks, we can move on to the next set of tasks and you feedback again to me, at the next appointment.
Old patterns of thinking that are unhelpful, are explored, understood and we look for a more helpful way to express your thinking. Any general negative beliefs eg 'women are always,...' and 'men are never' are also explored. If these beliefs are outdated or just assumptions, we look at that and if they are helping your partner to feel good about themself.
When there are difficulties e.g. participating in the tasks, this is the time when it is really important to come along to your next appointment, as we need to explore the problem in terms of thoughts, feelings and behaviours and then repeat the tasks. There is no right or wrong in doing the tasks. We talk about what is helpful and unhelpful towards reaching your goals and we will try to get over, under, or around the hurdles. We continue like this, until we reach a point where both of you are happy and confident that you can keep the new things you have learned, in your sexual relationship and not bring back the negatives that paralysed you both before. We also explore your general relationship to see if that is affecting your sexual harmony.
