The Consequences of sexual offending are overwhelming and significant. All of the people that I have worked with, who have either been, accused, charged or convicted of Sexual offending, have the same reaction, 'if I had really known what would happen if I was found out, I would never have done it'. Let me say here that Sexual offending isn't just about underage children, online or in person, see here the list of offences.
A silly behaviour that most people would not think of as a sexual offence, is mooning out the bus window, filled with all the well oiled men on a Stag night. This carries a conviction that will always be necessary to report e.g. to a new employer, 10 years on the sexual offenders register, your employer being informed and possibly losing your job, the public becoming aware and vigilantes, as it can be reported in your local newspaper and being rejected by your partner/family/local community. If you are a partner of e.g. a man that has been charged with a sexual offence/s involving images of underage children (and if you have children together), the consequences are more hard hitting as;
- He will be forced to leave your house and most likely to stay with his parents
- His employer will be notified and his employment may be terminated (more likely than not).
- Social Work Child Protection will be prominent in your lives. They have an important job to do, however they receive lots of resentment, as they are seen as the cause of the fundamental changes in your lives, e.g. Your partner works day shifts and you look after the children, you work night shift and your husband looks after the children. He can no longer have contact with the children alone and if you don't have any support from family/friends, if you have a high salary, you may employ a professional babysitter, however, as your partner has lost his job, your salary is the only one and much needed to keep you financially afloat.
- For your partner and children to be able to see each other, you must be present at all times - but firstly you must prove to the Social workers that you did not know your husband was offending, you can stand up to your husband e.g. if he insists on seeing the children alone - or any other nefarious behaviour, that you demonstrate that keeping your childrens safe is top priority and you won't succumb to his manipulation.
I could go on, however I think you are probably getting the picture - you are now responsible for everything and having to juggle your belief/disbelief of the situation, your feelings or love/hate for your partner, to end the relationship or not, tell your family/friends or not and so it continues. One of the hardest aspects to cope with as a partner of a sexually offending man is the insinuation by Social workers/ Police that you knew about his illegal activities and did nothing. That is a hard one and some help and support is greatly needed to guide you through this hellish time.
Men I can work with you to process the trauma as a consequences of your offending. We can assess and understand what has contributed to your offending, we can look a what positive skills you have and boost your resilience, we create a safety plan for yourself and ensure you action it, we can write a letter of support for the court outlining your attendance and progression.
Ladies, partners of men either accused or charged and convicted of a sexual offence. We can explore the trauma of the situatation for you, how you are coping, the future of your relationship, how you are handling the children with Dad being away, if impact from the community is hard on you, who can you now rely on to be able to freely talk to
and who can give you support? Can you ever trust your partner again, can you trust any man again? As is evident, really big questions about your past, current and future life are thrown up and it's hard, trying to cope with everything. Let me help you.
